The Honey Month
The word honeymoon, in use since the 16th century, is a derivation of honey-month, describing the first weeks of the newlyweds life together at home (or at the home of friends or family) with the hope of ensuring offspring. The idea of honeymoons grew into a special time spent together to get to know each other, to set up home together, establish companionship, and begin a family (so much for having time to develop a relationship!).
Modern honeymoons have become more like a vacation "away" from the couple's busy lives-like an escape-a time for play, food and sex (and not necessarily in that order.) The honeymoon is the transition time: When the trappings of the wedding pageant are complete and "real life" is about to begin.
| Modern honeymoons have become more like a vacation "away" from the couple's busy lives-like an escape... |
In my research for a new book, The End of the Fairytale Bride: How Princess Diana Changed Your World, I read how Diana had doubts on the eve of her wedding, and they only grew during her honeymoon. "What is clear now is that she barely knew her prospective bridegroom" and the man who became her husband.
Diana, addicted to romance novels as a young girl (“In those stories was everyone I dreamed of, everything I hoped for.”) had long dreamed of marrying Prince Charles. She was so caught up in the fantasy and her dreamy little girl expectations, that it seems she got lost in the illusion: The illusion that confuses romance with love.
| There is a natural transition (and not always easy) for two people “getting to know each other” on a deeper level. |
Unfulfilled expectations are one of the causes of upset; but unfulfilled expectations based on fantasy can be disaster. Even if you know your fiancé well and have no pressures like Diana—no hint of an “arranged marriage,” or worldwide expectations, or giving birth to the heir of the throne, or the blinding attention of the press—there is still a natural transition (and not always easy) for two people “getting to know each other” on a deeper level.
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Cheryl B. Wiles |
“The first years of marriage are just getting use to bumping into each other’s warts,” a long-married friend told me in the first months of my marriage. This was after 25 years of marriage to her childhood sweetheart. And that was 20 years ago and she recently shared that she’s still learning something new everyday!
Use your honeymoon—and even your honey month—not as a time to escape from your life, but to deeply reconnect with your life, and to each other, on a heart level that you couldn't imagine was possible before. Use your honeymoon time to practice opening your heart so your marriage partnership grows into one of unconditional love and ongoing forgiveness. 
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