 |
Symbolism is an essential aspect of ritual—and there’s the rub. Weddings are full of rituals that use symbols and metaphors and images—illusions representing something real, yet sometimes elusive, ephemeral, or even ethereal. How do we keep being present to what’s real and not get caught up in the illusion? How do we distinguish real love from the symbols of love?
Symbolism and ritual is only magical and truly effective if we are in touch with the life force that the symbol is representing. Paraphrasing author Joseph Campbell, any image can become an icon, an object, if we lose our sense of wonder. Rituals can put us back in touch with the mystery and magic the world offers.
 |
The purpose of wedding symbolism is to remind us of this mystery—the life passage we are experiencing. Keeping us aware of the nature of change, the symbols are to be a reflection back to us of our true nature. That’s the power of symbolism, mirroring who we are and where we stand in the universe. But “how do we keep an experience from becoming an anecdote?”1 How do we have an experience’s essence remain in the story that is recounting it, or in the symbols that represent the experience?
Perhaps the only way a symbol can represent us honestly is for us to be honest to our heart’s desire. Our true inheritance is the courage to have our words and actions be congruent with that inner most desire. And the real beauty of ritual and symbolism lives in our truth. Otherwise, the ceremony is only acting out tired and lifeless ideas or ideals, worshiping objects instead of honoring a human experience. As one of my teachers once said, “It would be like eating the menu instead of the meal.”2 It may be filling, but not very tasty or satisfying.
 |
Using beautiful symbols—flowers, cakes, rings, candles, costumes—support us as we reveal our most tender and undefended nature. |
One can get married without the pageantry and be just as married. We don’t have to gather all the symbolic ceremonial traditions and make an artistic show of such a simple act. Nonetheless, I think it is part of our playful, intuitive nature that has us want to act out the stories of life—the stories of growth and discovery. Ceremonies are a way to express the delight in engaging with each other in such open and intimate, yet profound declarations of love. Using beautiful symbols—flowers, cakes, rings, candles, costumes—support us as we reveal our most tender and undefended nature. When we are coming from love, our symbols of love reflect that. 
1. John Guare, Six Degrees of Separation, 1993.
2.
Werner Erhard, Werner Erhard and Associates, 1986.
| (Excerpt from Cornelia’s book in progress, Weddings of Grace: The Bride You Want To Be ~ The Woman You Become) PHOTOGRAPHS BY Priscilla Wannamaker |
|
