Q. I saw that you talked about “green weddings” in your autumn issue of Weddings of Grace. Do you know of a list of resources to make selection easy?
- Bride-to-be, St. Louis, Missouri

A. It’s great that couples can start their life together in a way that is congruent with their “earth-friendly” values. Visit the “Cornelia Recommends” page of this issue for a section on “Green Weddings” (and check back with each new quarterly issue of Weddings of Grace for a list of new resources.) Among my listings are an online source called OrganicWeddings.com and a new monthly magazine, Portovert, that are both rich in ideas and resources. Michelle Kozin, founder of Organic Weddings, has a new book out by the same name.

The February/March 2007 issue of Bride’s magazine has a section called “Go Green” and check the New York Times archives for an article from February 11, 2007, “How Green Was My Wedding”—both publications are full of great “green” sources!

Q. My fiancé and I have no church affiliation, but want a wedding ceremony that expresses our spiritual values—whether we write the words ourselves, use traditional words, or something in-between. Suggestions for finding guidance, a minister or writing our vows…?
- Bride-to-be, Nashville, Tennessee

A. Perfect timing! In this issue of Weddings of Grace (in the “Trappings of the Weddings” section) we highlight vows—the words of the wedding. You will find a short and varied list of alternative wedding officiants, as well as articles written by two women ministers of different backgrounds about choosing the words for your wedding and the importance of ritual. Check the website of the interfaith ministry, Universal Brotherhood, at www.universalbrotherhood.org for officiants in all 50 states in the U.S.

There are many books available to guide you, just to name a few: Joyful Wedding (featured in “Cornelia Recommends”); A World of Ways to Say ‘I Do’ by Noah and Jordan benShea; Carley Roney’s The Knot Guide to Wedding Vows and Traditions; The Wedding Vows from Conversations with God, the vows used by Neale Donald Walsch and Nancy Fleming-Walsch. This will get you started!

Q. I’m in my forties and marrying a man in his fifties. We both have successful careers and have fully furnished houses and don’t really need or want wedding gifts for our home. But we thought we’d use the opportunity of our wedding—and the generosity of our friends and family—to contribute to the environment in some way. Do you have some ideas?
-Bride-to-be, New York, New York

A. An earth-aware idea from an article in the New York Times by Mireya Navarro: “In lieu of traditional gifts….ask guests to sign up for renewable energy and reforestation projects to counteract their energy consumption or to donate to the Sierra Club or other environmental groups.”

You can request that they “give a gift of trees.” Register with The National Arbor Day Foundation, www.arborday.org, Trees Atlanta, www.treesatlanta.org (check your area for a local organization), or Historic Tree Nursery, www.historictrees.org.

A beautiful idea from the Spring/Summer 2007 Town & Country Weddings—see details on my “Cornelia Recommends” page of this issue—is to use the gift registry that Heifer International has set up. In this way, you and your guests can contribute to people’s lives and communities all over the world.

Of course, make these suggestions in a way that is an invitation and not like you are coercing your friends into anything.

Q. It seems that “anything goes” for weddings these days, but I’m just a bit old-fashioned. I’m remarrying—I’m in my late thirties—and never had an opportunity to wear a “real wedding dress” and would just love to wear a gorgeous white formal gown that I found. What do I need to do to just “get over it!”?
-Bride-to-be, Baltimore, Maryland

A. To “get over it” and NOT wear the gown; or WEAR IT and “get over” feeling anything but beautiful and happy? Hmmmm….the two sides of “letting go”!

When I had my bridal art-to-wear store in the 1980s and 90s—and “grown-up brides” were a specialty of the shop during a time when weddings weren’t such a “fashion statement”—I told brides to make choices from: the wise part of their heart; what was appropriate to their budget; and what lit them up! Then whatever they choose to wear, wear it and feel beautiful!

A customer “of a certain age” who had been married before came into my shop years ago full of delight about her wedding “after all these years”! She was obviously deeply in love and was having a fabulous time planning her poolside wedding—and had selected the grandest, laciest, most feminine and “traditional” gown in my shop with an elaborate headpiece and veil. She looked at me with only a slight question in her expression. I told her something like this: “So you’ve been married three or four times before. You’ve never married THIS man, so in your heart, THIS is your first wedding! If this is how you want to look as a bride—and you look radiant—wear it and have the most beautiful day!” She did, she was, she glowed.

For inspiration, see “A Bride’s Story” section in this issue of Weddings of Grace for a feature on “grown-up brides”!