Hi Granddaughter Bride –
Grandmas often take the wedding guest list quite personally. Remember, these relatives, unknown to you, are often Grandma’s deepest connection to the past. Your wedding represents a time to rejoice in the new marriage in the family... yet she also sees it as a way to relive and reconnect to family history and gather in the whole family in one place.
That said, it is still your wedding and you can’t let her take your guest list hostage. Maybe what you can do is to appeal to her maternal instincts by explaining how sad you feel that she is disappointed and hurt. And also make her feel a little more included in the invitation process when it comes to her own little list of relatives.
If you find that communicating with grandma makes you feel 5 years old again, get a third party involved. Can your mother or an older sibling help you explain the situation calmly? Who does Grandma listen to in the family? That’s the person whose help you need.
Once you pick your support person, make a visit to grandmas and tell her because she is so special, you want to give her a chance to invite her most important people.
- Sit down with her and try to clarify her "A list," and her "B list."
- Position it as if you have already reserved a “block of invitations” to your wedding just for her guests.
- Start her with 10 if you can, or a full table, or whatever you can spare. Put a number on it. Explain, you will invite her top list first. If any of those people RSVP no, you will invite people from her "B list.”
- Let her know that this means that by the end of the invitations process many of the people on her list will get invites since typically 10 per cent of invited guests rsvp that they cannot attend.
While there is no perfect solution, there may be a compromise. If she still has her heart set on having distant relatives involved, suggest she host a separate wedding party on another date so you can celebrate with the whole clan.
Many blessings,
Rev. Laurie Sue |
